Stop FMI Extermination. Join the Fight to Save the Twinkie!


In the general remorse over the outcome of the 2012 presidential election (much to our surprise, Libertarian Gary Johnson lost overwhelmingly) the disastrous demise of an American icon, Hostess food treats, is going largely un-noticed.

We think it is a Republican plot to try and starve to death the Obama FMI voters.

As you may have noticed, HO-HO’s are black. Not to mention the fact that they are HO’s.  Is this a coincidence?  I think not.  Leave it to republicans, those racist butt-heads, to try and get rid of this favorite American food treat.

But it does not stop there.  As everyone knows, the American Eskimo population voted overwhelmingly for Obama.  Romney claims it was because Obama promised to give them free whale blubber but we all know the real truth.  They love Obama because he is such a fine President and he is trying to stop global warming so the Eskimos won’t fall into the OCEAN!!

So what do Romney and his Republican, racist, nativist, Eskimo hating, Morman ass-hole friends do?  They get rid of a famous Eskimo dietary treat, the Hostess Sno-Ball!!!

Can you see the very clear and distinct Igloo shape.  I sure can!!  Stop Eskimo hatred!!

What if they go after the Eskimo Pie?  What will people in Washington and Colorado eat when they are stoned?

Will Romney stop at nothing?

We have firm evidence that Romney and John Boehner are trying to starve Obama FMI voters to punish them for electing Obama.  What better way to destroy the glorious victory of our dear leader than to kill the very people who went to the polls on his behalf?   This is totally insidious.

Recent polls of Obama-Phone owners http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpAOwJvTOio show that many of them are members of the HOSTESS Diet Plan.  This plan, a favorite among unemployed or disabled FMI voters, allows you to exclusively eat all your favorite Hostess fine foods and gain weight more quickly so you become obese and can get federal disability and free Medicaid health insurance.

Of course, the centerpiece of this plan to starve FMI voters is to eliminate the most famous Hostess dietary wonder food of all, the Twinkie.

Just think, without the Twinkie, the Ho-Ho’s, the Snow-balls, and all the other necessary foods provided by Hostess, FMI voters will not be able to easily carry their food supplies with them while they camp out in front of stores before Black Friday, waiting to get a new flat screen TV for $15.00.

How will they endure and survive the trauma of sitting for days on end in uncomfortable lawn chairs or lying on the hard pavement without their twinkies?

I think you can probably see clearly that this attempt to eliminate Obama voters by cutting off their food supply must be stopped.

So what can we do?  Well obviously, Obama must nationalize the Twinkie.  The government must take over the entire existing supply of Hostess dietary delights and take over future production of all the items.

Then we need a system to distribute the items to the Obama FMI nationwide so they do not starve.  With the government in charge, the way is clear to use this program to help prevent global warming by using Chevy Volt battery cars for Twinkie deliveries to poor neighborhoods.  How about giving away one free package of condoms with every powdered-sugar coated hostess donette?   We could even rejuvenate the solar power industry by giving away a free solar powered oven with every dozen Ho-Ho’s.

Warm Ho’s for breakfast.  Oh My!!  Does it get much better than that for an FMI mother and her little ones?

So join the fight to save all those tasty Hostess treats.  Sign up now to nationalize Twinkies!!

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/nationalize-twinkie-industry/cJz0ngJR

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About vortextual

so much to say, so little time
This entry was posted in humor, satire and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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